No…I don’t mean in photoshop. I mean a double masectomy. Surgical…breast…. removal. Yea….let that sink in. Due to a genetic mutation Angelina had an 87% chance of getting breast cancer. Her family has an intense history of battling with cancer at a young age. So she has decided to take precautionary measures and has removed her tits…..and her ovaries are getting removed next.
I don’t know how to respond to this news. First off…..that is as courageous of a move that you will ever see. She has a family and she wants to be there for them as long as possible. I commend that. BUT…..there is a side of me that looks at it like she is taking the tires off of a car because she may get a blow out…or…chopping off a finger because it may get a hangnail. I know cancer is no joke. Cancer fucking sucks. Cancer is a dick. BUT…..when you have Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie type money…..don’t you think that early detection and/or treatment would be a cakewalk?? Look at Magic Johnson….dude is HIV+…..FUCKING….. H……I……V……POSITIVE. He has been rocking that shit for 20 plus years like nothing happened. Why? Because he has insane amounts of money. HIV used to be a death sentence. People didn’t know how to treat it for years. Magic just kept on doing what he was doing. Money is always the answer. Money may not buy happiness….but apparently it can buy the cure to a terminal disease.
I think the reason this upsets most men is due to the fact that when it came to the leading lady in your spank bank….I would say 98% had Angelina in that number 1 slot for a good couple of years. She was Lara Croft. You dreamed of raiding her tomb. You fantasized about getting one minute with her topless…..and now the fantasy is no more. We all know we didn’t REALLY have a chance….well….at least the dudes that aren’t sociopath stalker psychos knew it. We were aware that we had a better chance of winning the powerball lottery twice in a row than getting to nuzzle up to those mounds of wonderful fleshy perfection just one time. BUT…..for some reason…..just knowing they were there….somewhere out there in this world…..it made the world a better place.
It is like Santa Claus. Angelina had “Santa” tits. Santa was a good samaritan. He made the children of the world happy by giving them gifts. So did Angelina Jolie….and in turn….so did her breasts. Angelina saved less fortunate children from all over the world and gave them all the things they needed….just like Santa. With Santa you always believed you had a chance to see him…..just once…..until that one day. The one day when that fuckhead kid on the bus told you Santa didn’t exist and your world was crushed for months. There were tears and sobs. You couldn’t help yourself. Someone took a long time fantasy and crushed it into pieces. This is EXACTLY what is happening to men, lesbians, and bisexual women all over the world. Her “Santa” tits were a fantasy. A hope…..a dream. Knowing that they existed meant there was always a chance that you would run into them one day. Now they are gone…..forever. There will be tears…..there will be sobs. Dreams crushed. Fantasies forever destroyed. It had to be done….but it still stings.
Good Luck Angelina Jolie. You are brave. It was necessary for your health…..but you must know your breasts will be missed by more than just you and your husband. We should have a moment of silence before the Super Bowl next year for Angelina’s boobs. That is how much they will be missed.