CNN: Prison guards in Brazil’s northeast Alagoas state say they have foiled a jailbreak plot with a surprising accomplice: a black and white cat.
The cat had a cell phone, drills, assorted batteries and two saws taped to its body when it was spotted by guards on December 31 as it was about to enter the prison in Arapiraca, according to a statement released Saturday by Alagoas state prisons.
I’ll go on record as saying that cats are better than dogs. They aren’t mentally inept enough to be blindly excited about any random thing. Dogs thoughts: “Oh my God, a bone! Awesome! Oh my God, my owner let me sit at the table! Awesome! OMG! My owner places a bowl of water on the floor! I’m going to drink it as fast as I can and make sure to get it everywhere because I’ve never seen a bowl of water before! OMG!”
Then you got a cat. “Yeah, I don’t eat my own shit, and I don’t sniff and try to lick other dogs’ assholes. I don’t require my owner to pick up my still warm individual shits. I bury my shit like a civilized creature. I clean myself so it’s not an epic battle to get me in a bathtub. You can leave me home alone for a week and just leave food out and you’re good. I won’t eat all twelve pounds of foods at once because I’m intelligent enough to know when I’m full, and I won’t shit in your bed. You don’t need to spend thousands of dollars a year on food for me, only a few hundred. You don’t have to keep me on a leash because I’m intelligent enough not to bite the mailman for doing something as egregious as simply delivering the mail. I don’t bark real loud and keep people awake. I don’t lick the shit out of every single face that comes within two feet of my own. I don’t jump up on everyone who walks in the door. I don’t require training.”
The only advantage a dog has over a cat is that it’s better at home defense, but all that means is you’re buying the wrong kind of cat. What’s the biggest, baddest, most intimidating dog? You could make an argument it’s a Put Bull (even though they’re illegal in poor neighborhoods). Maybe a German Shepherd. IDK. Maybe a dingo, or a hyena? A grey wolf? OK, I think it’s fair to say a grey wolf. What’s the biggest baddest kind of cat? Probably a tiger. They are the heaviest. Hell, even a cheetah would destroy a grey wolf. Rip that shit to pieces, a cheetahs don’t even weigh as much as an adult human. Hell, a cheetah can accelerate from 0-60 in less than three seconds. Good luck finding a car that can do that.
In conclusion, cats rule dogs drool.