Pubic lice, more commonly referred to as crabs, are nearly extinct, and some doctors believe it’s all thanks to bikini waxing, Bloomberg reports.
While pubic lice don’t typically spread disease, they cause itchy skin and infections.
Doctors have linked the dwindling of crabs to the growth of pubic hair grooming, especially the trend of waxing in the 1990s.
We can thank Brazil for one more thing!! Giant statue of Jesus….check. Girls with asses that just don’t quit….check. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu….check. Carnival……check. Brazilian bikini wax…….HELL YES….CHECK.
The bikini wax is a special thing. A smooth vagina just seems more inviting to vagina lovers. I would like to compare it to walking up to the front door of a house. When you walk up and the lawn is cut and hedges are trimmed….it just looks like somewhere you want to be. BUT…. If you walk up the front walkway of a house that has an overgrown lawn and shrubbery that looks like it could come to life like the trees from “The Wizard of Oz”…..you may not be too excited to see what dwells inside of this “cave”. You might expect Gollum to meet you at the door. This same logic applies to vag.
Not only is a clean, smoothly shaved, or waxed vagina a fantastic thing to feast your eyes on…or to feast on….it has apparently become the means of destroying a species. So it is finally becoming apparent that the va-jay-jay is a destructive force. Men have been warned by their elders since the dawn of time, “Watch out….pussy is a dangerous thing”. We try to heed the warnings….but many of us have succumb to the tempting powers which clearly become magnified once the front yard is properly landscaped. It is now official….pussy has almost killed off an entire species. Crotch crabs (pubic lice) are almost extinct.
I say “almost” extinct because as Americans we tend to forget that other countries are not as fortunate as we are. I am going to be a realist and assume that the women of other countries are not privy to the grooming products that we have readily available here. If you think “winter bush” is ugly to look at….could you imagine a 40 year old woman’s vagina in Iran? Somalia? Nigeria? Forget about crabs….she could quite possibly be hiding bats and cockroaches in her “land down under”. I bet a woman from those countries has a bush that looks like a cross between Kramer and Don King’s hair stuck in a headlock from Chewbacca (insert Chewy soundbite here). I am sure the smell wouldn’t be too amazing either. It might rival the wonderful scent of a landfill on a hot summer day.
Back to my point…you know the bitches from other countries have some stowaways in their super-bushes. They probably have lice on every inch of their wild, unkempt, and ungroomed bodies. They probably have lice in every crack and crevice!!! I guess at that point it isn’t a “pubic lice” issue….it is just categorized as a body lice issue. I guess this is how they can say pubic lice are near extinction. They are just counting the upstanding Americans that go to their doctor at the sign of a problem. They are the only people who count as real people anyway….right?