CNN: While preparing to play Steve Jobs in Joshua Michael Stern’s biopic, “Jobs,” the actor said he adopted the late Apple co-founder’s fruit-only diet. “First of all, the fruitarian diet can lead to like severe issues,” Kutcher said after the “Jobs” screening at the Sundance Film Festival, via USA Today. “I went to the hospital like two days before we started shooting the movie. I was like doubled over in pain. My pancreas levels were completely out of whack.”
Few people burn me up more than Ashton Kutcher. I hate everything about him. One, I hate his fucking name. It requires me to use too many mouth muscles to say, plus it doesn’t sound good. Ashton Kutcher. “Hey, did you say Asshole Butcher?” No, I said Ashton Kutcher, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this asshole was an asshole butcher because he’s a got the look of a guy who plows men’s assholes.
I hate his character in That 70’s Show. He was literally the least interesting character. He was dim-witted, unfunny, and somehow dated the hottest chick I’ve seen in years. I hated him in that movie with Brittany Murphy. I would DESTROY Brittany Murphy’s holes (note, would have destroyed), and of course this fucking doofus and his $300 haircut just strolls in there and cheats on her. I hate those fucking camera commercials where he’s on some balcony looking out on the beach taking photos of rando MILFs, and they pose for his photos. I hate his fucking dweeby, weakling, passive approach at trying to be funny. He just comes off as FORCING it whenever he’s in a movie. He looks like he’s forcing it.
And of course, his next role is play STEVE FUCKING JOBS! Literally in the top 10 on my shit list. I fucking HATE Steve Blow Jobs and I hate everything made by Apple, and I most especially hate all the fApple nerds who jack off on their iPhones and nine trillion dollar Macbook Airs and vote Democrat and shit. You know Mac users vote Democrat don’t you? It’s computing for hipsters. Hipsters and young people in general. And older women who have like really short haircuts. You know those moms that are “trendy”. THEY use Macs.
Now he’s hospitalized because he tried to survive on nothing but fruit. HOMO ALERT! HOMO ALERT! Who the fuck tries to live entirely on fruit? OTHER FRUITS! I got no problem with being gay but what I got a problem with is being gay and tricking so many people into thinking you’re straight and talented!