No golden nuggets, only $5 worth of yogurt.
Who the fuck gets parfaits? The most ho-hum item on the menu at Mickey D’s is the parfait. Bro, it’s fucking YOGURT. You know how when you’re a kid and you tell your mom you want Mickey D’s and she says she will make you nuggets herself but you know that it just won’t be the same? The parfait is the one exception. You could make a parfait at home and it will taste exactly like the parfaits at Wack Arnond’s.
How fucking dumb is this guy? I mean, we all know that the new BK fries are the tits. Wendy’s is up there too. I think the new BK fries are the best thing since water. But a lot of people go to Mickey D’s simply for their fries. You couldn’t grab any fries bro? Stuff your mouth full of fries first. They’re right there in that hot metal thing.
Going for nuggs or burgers would be a little more complicated I might imaging. I hope anyway that the burger patties and nuggs are still in the freezer, and won’t be cooked until it opens. So there weren’t any he could have just grabbed. But dude, go for a fucking McFlurry. They have the new kind with the Rolo candy in it. Not as good as the Reese’s kind, but fuck it. Put them all in there! M&M’s, Oreos, Reese’s, AND Rolos.Grab a fucking supersize soda cup. Then you could do what I did and just leave the cup in your car, bring it into McDonald’s every time you go there so you don’t have to buy a new soda every time.
Now maybe the guy just thought he was running short of time, so he grabbed the first thing he saw. But if it were parfaits vs. nothing, I would have picked the nothing. It’s not even worth the extra 10 seconds to load up an arm full of parfaits and risk dropping that shit all over your pants and looking like you gotta jizz stain all night. And apparently he wasn’t running out of time and apparently the Mickey D’s doesn’t even have a fucking alarm system, because nobody knew the place had been burglarized until the next morning.
But then he does what every dumb criminal every does: he returns to the scene of the crime. NEVER return to the scene of the crime, especially the next fucking morning. Did he not see the cop cars outside? What the fuck was he doing covered in broken glass? He didn’t think to shake that shit out of his shirt?
But I do admire his bravery. I’ve pondered burglarizing Wack’s many times at 3AM when I’m hammered. This man had the courage to go through with it. But there is a fine line between brave and stupid.
By the way, I think McDonald’s needs to create like some like fancy premium McDonald’s and call them Mickey G’s. Like a lounge type place where you sit in hipster couches and shit and waitresses bring you bottles of expensive vodka and McNuggets.