Hurricanes are like fat bitches….the bigger they are….they more likely they are to blow you.
This bitch Sandy is fucking with multiple things right now. Halloween is one of my favorite times of year. I wanted to take the kids trick or treating…and steal some of their candy after they went to sleep. But…nooooooo…..screw you, Sandy. I also wanted to get a babysitter and head to the bar on Halloween night to see how slutty the local ladies were going to be this year (Yes…I am married…but just because you are on a diet…doesn’t mean you can’t look at the menu!). Halloween night at the bar is to sluttyness, as Groundhog Day is to the coming of nice weather. You know what level of slutty bitches are going to be frequenting the local watering hole throughout the winter by the costumes….or lack thereof…..on Halloween night. If you walk in the door before midnight and have already seen 5 nip slips and a few vaginas….then you know you are gonna witness that level of whorishness for the duration of the Winter. The chicks might also see their shadows….but if you are a guy….this is the shadow you hope they see…
Besides throwing a wrench into my annual skank watching escapades….I am tired of the widespread panic. I am not saying it won’t suck….but there have been blackouts before….and last time I checked…we all live in pretty solidly engineered housing. Unless you are one of those dicks that lives year round on a barrier beach then you are probably fucked. Otherwise get food, water, and batteries and cut the shit. The news channels need to shut their pie holes about how the world is about to end. This is “Frankenstorm” according to the meteorologists on tv. I love how everyone is quick to forget that we are usually cursing these morons for not being able to predict the weather on a holiday weekend….and all of a sudden their word is gospel. Fuck that noise….I will believe it when I see it….and otherwise….I am going to assume they are 50% incorrect about the things they are saying.…just like they are all the other times.
Enough hypothetical bullshit….enough what if…..enough blah blah blah. Get your shit together and deal with it. Sure….it is gonna suck. When the power goes out….you can’t watch your dvr or use the internet….whatever will we do!?!?! Suck it up and play “Monopoly” like they did in the stone age. Get a poker game going….eat, drink, and be merry. Remember….the news stations make money from advertising….and the more they tell you to “stay tuned for more information you need to survive”….the more people watch…..see what I mean. This hurricane was a bunch of dollar signs to news stations and grocery stores….they are cashing the fuck in.
But either way….be safe….and good luck.