I wrote an earlier blog about how the drought is killing corn but corn is still crazy cheap and I’m a bachelor so I don’t buy raw vegetables often anyway. But now apparently the Coast Guard closed part of the Mississippi River because the water level dropped so low. Newsflash, people. This is a conspiracy. This drought does not exist! Have any of you seen it? Have any of you even been to the Midwest? How many of you have been on the Mississippi River? It’s not really there. The government faked every map we’ve ever seen in order to make us think the Midwest is real. It’s not. Neither is this drought. There is actually just barren land between the coasts, nothing on it, no cities or anything. The drought was made up so that they can overcharge us for corn and gas and Big Macs and anything else the government wants to control, which is everything actually.