Five Jihadists walk into a bar. Wait it was actually a mosque because they can’t drink alcohol. Or how bout this one: five Jihadists walk into a bar. It blows up. Or how bout this one: Americans keep on doing whatever the fuck we want because the USA fears no one.
There’s a serious difference between being politically correct and being correct, and I’m sick and tired of having to skate around the truth because I might hurt somebody’s feelings. So I’m going to put down three or four politically incorrect things, but ACTUALLY correct things:
Black people like fried chicken and watermelon. I don’t know why black folks are offended by this. If you DON’T like chicken and watermelon, there is something fucked up with you. For real, chicken is a fucking staple of my diet. I eat WAY more chicken then beef or pork. And what’s a BBQ or summer outdoor gathering without a watermelon? Watermelons are fucking delicious. They are the best non-berry fruit, and they make the best Jolly Rancher flavor. “Who are all these people who dislike chicken and watermelon?” White people: just admit it. This is something black folks just got right, chicken and watermelon are Americana. Bottom line is if you don’t like chicken and watermelon, you’re a fucking terrorist/nazi.
Black guys have bigger penises. Again, is this a bad thing? This is one of those stereotypes that should be scientifically analyzed. If it turns out to be false, we can drop it objectively. If it turns out to be true, well, good for you black guys. Take this one and run with it.
Jewish people are cheap. No they aren’t. They’re responsible. There’s a reason for saving money that doesn’t need to be spent on petty things when it could be saved up for when our economy crashes. The socialists are gonna take everything out of your bank account and give it to other people. Now all those wads of twenties that the Jews have under their beds, those twenties that those Jews earned fair and square from education and hard work, is going to buy them food while I’m scrounging begging for pizza scraps. Christians: admit it. We spend more than we earn.
White men can’t jump. Dude, seriously, this one is true. I was a decently athletic kid growing up. Never actually great at any particular sport, but at least good. And in a traditional definition of “athletic”, I was athletic. I was skinny, and I could run fast and far, jump high, throw a ball far, etc. Then I went to public school, got that idea shut down real quick. I’ve been able to grab the rim and hang on it since about 8th grade. If I could palm a basketball I might be able to dunk. But the black guys I went to high school would be out of shape and shit, yet could jump higher than me. Well, I could swim better then them at least.
Asian kids are smarter. Why would an Asian be offended by this? Dude, it’s fucking true anyway. I studied computers and engineering in college. 50% of the school of engineering was Asian, either middle-eastern, or east Asian. I hate to say it, but Phuong Lam Dao and Majed Al’Kawari were smarter than me, and were better motivated too.
All Mexican food is the same. Actually I’ve never heard this, but I just made it up a few days ago. Go into a Taco Bell. Everything on the menu is just a tortilla with the following ingredients: beans, rice, tomatoes, beef or chicken, sour cream. The question is what shape it is. Tacos? Sort of a U-shape. Burrito? O-shape. Crunchwrap supreme and quesedillas? Flat, circular shape. Nachos? A bunch of teeny tiny tortillas dipped into the other ingredients. Seriously. It’s all the same shit just in a different shape. Mexicans are laughing all the way to the bank about this.
Men should earn more money for the same work than women. Women, you go on maternity leave. That is the ONLY reason. You have to be paid even though you didn’t go to work for a few weeks. The entire company has to suffer because of this. Personally, I believe maternity leave is bullshit. Where’s my paternity leave? I need paid time off to go play golf. You wanna talk about equality? You can’t have it both ways ladies.
Women should be eligible for the draft. There’s a reason there are more women in the world than men. And it’s because we go to war. I’m tired of women complaining that they aren’t seen as equals. Until women want to fully commit to being equals, men and women are not equal.
Irish people are drunks. Look, the REALLY Irish people I know are drunks. The people who speak a bit of Irish, and have Irish flags and talk about being Irish. These people are drunks, I’m sorry. And they all like fighting.
We got any others?