If you live in the United States of America and you don’t have McDonald’s at least once a month….then you might as well go live in the middle east, put on a turban, and play “let’s find the landmine” with those sandy bastards. McDonald’s is as American as apple pie. Fast service…..cheap prices…..and greasy deep fried deliciousness. The fact is….gorging yourself on dollar menu items after a night of binge drinking at the bar is like a right of passage into adulthood in the good old U.S of A. I am not ashamed of it. People fight and die everyday to protect our freedom. We might as well make the best of it.
McDonald’s has almost 19,000 restaurants in the U.S…..alone. That means that each state has an average of 380 restaurants. McDonald’s has also managed to fit almost 3600 restaurants on the island nation of Japan!!! Fuckin Japan!! They haven’t even finished scraping up the charred remains of their ancestors in Nagasaki…and Ronald McDonald is just invading their world like the American troops at the freakin beaches of Normandy. Not to mention that Japan is roughly the same size as California. JUST the state of California. 3600 McDonald’s restaurants in that space is awesome. Good job America…..keep up the good work….burn ’em down…and build ’em back up.
So besides those amazing factoids….McDonald’s has a restaurant in about 123 countries. So they have bridged the gap of roughly 100 different cultures and languages. That takes some serious ingenuity. I can’t even fathom the amount of man hours that it takes to make something like that possible. Now that I have laid the ground work….. I have one question for McDonald’s: How have you not figured out a better way to distribute THE GODDAMN KETCHUP?!?!?
123 different countries?? But you can’t figure out a better ketchup system. My options are a 2 milligram packet….or a paper thimble. This boggles my mind…..because McDonald’s asks you, “Do you want that #1 large??”…..and my response is always….”What the fuck do you think?!?! Look at me lady. Do I look like I like ANYTHING smaller than large??? I’m over 200 pounds of red blooded American man. I would really like it Super Sized….but you guys pussied out and did away with it.”…..actually it is just “yea, sure”…..but I always imagine it the other way. So Mickey Dee’s hooks you up with a large meal…which comes with a large fries. If you dump out the fries from a large fries….you could quite possibly build a full scale model of the Washington Monument. Not to mention the empty cardboard container could now be used to carry around a small child comfortably.
That being said…. to satisfy your need for ketchup at this point….you now have to open 853 packets….OR….get 50 paper thimbles. The amount of time that consumes defeats the purpose of fast food. I do not want to spend more time acquiring my ketchup than it took them to slap my heart attack inducing meal together. No way…..no how. I’m at McDonald’s for god sake….it doesn’t get any lazier than that….stop fucking up my grease high with a hunt for an appeasing amount of ketchup.
I just hope that someday this article makes it’s way to a McDonald’s executive….somehow…..and maybe in the not so distant future……we can possibly be blessed with a substantial amount of ketchup for our triple bypass burger and fries value meal. A man can dream.
God Bless America.