CNN: If a polar bear no longer has ice to stand on and must have his “bear kibble” (that’s a real term; more on it soon) airlifted to the Arctic by helicopter, is he still a polar bear? Or is he some sort of zoo-like experiment — a sad but perhaps unavoidable consequence of an era of melting ice and warming climates?
I posed a less-wordy version of that question to Andrew Derocher, a biologist and polar bear expert at the University of Alberta. He recently published a paper outlining several emergency actions that likely will have to be taken soon to save the Arctic bears.
Among Derocher’s scenarios is using helicopters to airdrop food on polar bears as their icy habitat continues to melt — at a cost of $32,000 per day for the “most accessible” bears. (The hope is that such interventions would last days per year, not months).
Not only is this akin to food stamps for polar bears, it’s FREE DELIVERY! Like, he ultimate in laziness is when you refuse to get a job and pay for your food, so big brother buys you your food and brings it to you to eat while you sit in the tub. That’s what polar bears are going through right now. The problem is, if a person is that lazy, they made their own bed and deserve to be cut off. Polar bears don’t make any beds. We made their beds.
But that’s no reason for me to have to pay for their fuckin food stamps. For shit’s sake people! I mean, what the heck have polar bears done for me lately? NADA. This ain’t a free lunch out here. Some of us are corporate drones stuck in the rat race, going half blind from exposure to the flashes of light emitted from the copy machine when you hit the green button. You think I like that shit? No. But I do it because I like eating more than I dislike having Cubiclephobia. Fuckin polar bears, man.
PS, I currently have the top-rated comment on that article on CNN. The bit about the Coca Cola. Today’s gonna be a good day.