CNN: Four of Hollywood’s hottest young actresses are in the running for the political role of a lifetime: Hillary Clinton. According to The Independent, Scarlett Johansson, Reese Witherspoon, Jessica Chastain and Amanda Seyfried are all up for the part of Clinton in the upcoming biopic “Rodham,” which focuses on Clinton’s time as a House Judiciary Committee lawyer in her twenties. She served as a counsel to the committee during the Watergate scandal.
Normally when you hear me talk about a sexy Hollywood chick, I say something about how I’d do things to her. Or about how I would do borderline illegal things to her, blah blah. But those of you who know me know that I feel differently about Scarlett Johansson. I’m infatuated with her. She’s far too elegant and captivating for me to do filthy things to. I wouldn’t bang Scarlett Johansson. I’d make love to her. She’s diamond ring material, and that doesn’t come around too often.
That’s not to say that I wouldn’t like to play with her sweater puppies. I mean, come on. Have you seen those things? They’re like two Christmas hams tucked into her shirt. But I don’t like the sexier, raunchier photos of her. She deserves better. She is a lady, not just some chick. ScarJo could wear a full-on Burka and I’d still be attracted to her.
The fact that she might play Hillary Clinton, I’m torn. On the one hand, I know very little about Hillary other than the fact that she’s a Democrat and a carpetbagger who had absolutely ZERO business becoming a New York senator being that she’s from Illinois and Arkansas. Shame on New York voters for electing her. But then again, I’m mildly attracted to her too. Come on. For a 65-year-old woman, Hillary’s got it goin’ on. Yes, she has a full staff of makeup and hair professions who could make Amy Poehler look somewhat bangable. But still, as a young chick, she might have looked good.
Eh, maybe not. But it was the 70’s. I feel like all chicks had ugly glasses and frizzy hair in the 70’s. Imagine Eliza Thornberry as a 19-year-old. That’s how I picture chicks in the 70’s. What a fucked up time the 70’s must have been. We just lost Vietnam. Disco, graffiti and litter everywhere, uh. ScarJo deserves a better decade.
PS: FUCK Reese Witherspoon. Bitch is not a good actress, and I hated literally every movie she was in. And while I like Amanda Seyfried, I can’t get the image her as the dumb bitch from Mean Girls out of my head. She will forever be Karen Smith.
“My breasts can always tell when it’s going to rain. Well, they can tell when it’s raining.”