Contestants are asked to send a photo to the website of their erect sex organ with measuring tape next to it.
The man with the smallest penis will win an iPhone, as will another fellow who will be chosen by the site’s female, er, members. Guys who come in second and third place will get an iPad.
How bad do you want the new iPhone 5?? Do you want it really really bad?? Bad enough to photograph your manhood in hopes that it “measures up” to the competition?? If you have ever been laughed at in the locker room or told your junk was too small….don’t worry….now you can win an iphone in exchange for complete and utter shame.
This is really funny and really sad at the same time. The fact that some marketing team got together and discussed how to promote their website….and someone threw this gem of an idea out there makes me laugh. Can you imagine that boardroom discussion?? The fact that life is one ongoing metaphorical dick measuring competition makes this actual dick measuring competition hilarious.
The most degrading part of this whole thing is not that you have a smaller penis than Leslie Chow (Ken Jeong)….but that they don’t just want a picture of your mini-me…..they want a picture next to a tape measure. Ouch. There is a sold kick in the junk. If you have a small penis…you know it….and the last thing you want to do is find out exactly how small it is.
So they have already received 6 entries and I am assuming there will be more. The smallest penis wins an iPhone 5. Is “wins” the actual term to use in this situation?? If you have a penis that resembles a large clitoris…are you really winning?? Yea sure….now you have an iphone 5…..but every time you make a phone call or send a text message to your mommy…..deep down inside….you will know that somewhere….there is a bunch of people laughing at a picture of your nano-nub next to a tape measure. Every time you see an iphone you will think of the snickers and giggles of this company’s interns looking at the leftover dick pics from the competition. Who knows…..they might put your baby dick on the internet….what if that shit goes viral?? The entire world could be laughing at you. Everybody with an internet connected device (which is EVERYBODY) could be wondering how you use the bathroom without pissing all over your ballgina.
So 1st place gets an iphone….2nd and 3rd place get ipads. But do you know who the real winner is??
The guy that comes in dead fucking last is the real winner. Here is a guy that thought…”shit, I could use an iphone….I’m hung like a mouse….time to cash in”….and then BAM….he comes in dead last. He thought he had the smallest penis hands down….and then he finds out that like 25 other dudes have less manhood then he does. From that day forward….he is walking taller….speaking with a more commanding voice….and for the rest of his life his confidence is boosted just a little bit higher. His life is forever changed for the better by coming in last. Now if he could only figure out how to pee without having to sit down on the toilet….he would be set.