There are a few things in life that can truly cripple the toughest of men. I have tattoos and piercings and I consider myself a guy that can handle any pain that life throws at him…..but when you get a pimple on the edge of your lip…..your day is royally fucked from that point on. First off, it looks like you have herpes all up on your grill. Second, you can not go through the rest of your day without popping it. It needs to die. You can’t think about anything else until you vanquish this parasite that is mooching off of your moneymaker. Here is where this little 3 millimeter monster drops a grown man to his knees. You think you are ready to pop it….you find a mirror….and you carefully get your fingers in position. You squeeze……and then there is a flash of intense pain that rivals an unlubed catheter in your pee hole. Your eyes tear. Your nose runs. You feel like crying for your Mommy. Then…..you realize…..you didn’t even get that fucker to pop….and you have to try again. You know it is better to do this like a band-aid and just go at it full force….but the little boy inside your head just whispers, “please….don’t….”. But you do. It feels like the weight of the universe has been lifted off of your shoulders after you wipe the tears from running down your face. Now you can return to your important daily schedule of pretending to do work and masturbating to the BrokenFilter.net Pic Dumps and animal porn.
Another thing that sucks: When you sneeze in a work meeting and snot actually flies out onto the hand you used to cover your mouth. It has happened to everyone. It is the facial equivalent of a shart. You sharted out of your face. Now you have a handful of snot and you don’t want anyone to know about it. You plan on shaking everyone’s hand before you leave this room…..they can’t know. You try to think fast….you wipe your hand down the front of your pant leg. This is a big mistake. Now it looks like you jizzed in your pants. There you sit….sticky hand…and snot stripe down the right leg of your Dockers. What do you do?? What any sensible person does…..you rub it repeatedly every 30 seconds until it completely covers your pants from your ball fro to your knee cap. That’s the only way to do it. You can’t get up and get a tissue or a napkin. Then everyone will know you had a handful of snot…..that can’t happen. You sacrifice your nice work pants knowing that there is nothing a little detergent and a spin cycle can’t take care of. After all….you got out the shit stain after you sharted yourself on Monday.
P.S. “Lip Pimple”….and “Face Shart” sound like they could be band names.