… is the fucking toilets. Landlords always cheap out and buy the smallest legal fucking toilet. So when you sit on it either part of your buttcrack sits on the back of the lid, which sort of makes you think that your ass is getting the seat dirty, or else you sit forward a little and your junk touches the inside of the bowl. And that is equally gross and uncomfortable.
I just measured my toilet. That the hole is exactly 11.5 inches wide along the asscrack to junk axis. How in the fuck is that enough room to fit all of my body parts from the top of my asscrack down and along to the top of my pubes area. That shit leaves no dangling room! The junk is supposed to dangle down into the bowl when you are sitting. It’s not supposed to rest on the fucking seat! I personally think I have a fat ass as I recently gained some weight. But there’s no way I weigh more than the average fatass American. My problem is probably insignificant compared to people from the South and their toilets.
When I own my own home the first thing I’m going to do is buy super-sized toilets. The kind that you don’t have to find equilibrium between lower buttcrack getting the lid dirty or junk touching the inside of the bowl. The kid that’s so big a little kid would fall in it, so you have to get an expansion pack for kids.
PS: That annoying fucking kid two doors down and across the hall is another problem with renting. His parents need to stop being pussies and smack that fucking kid. When your 7-year-old kid is awake screaming at 11:30PM and preventing the whole floor from peacefully watching Netflix he either has a disability or you’re bad parents. I literally can’t tell if it’s a boy who just screams so passionately that his voice gets high and sounds like a girl or if it’s actually a girl. If that kid doesn’t shut the fuck up by the beginning of the NFL regular season I’m calling CPS. And the landlord and the police.