The true love bra. A bra with electronic sensors that will only release the sweater puppies if the woman wearing it gives off the proper previously scientifically determined criteria that their scientists have claimed is “love”. Heart rate……and…..umm….heart rate is their only criteria? According to this company the heart rate of the women wearing their bras is the sole deciding factor as to whether or not the clasp on the bra is released. The fluttering of a woman’s heart is recorded via sensors on the tee-tas….and the information is sent via bluetooth to her cell phone…..where the info is analyzed…..and if the phone app decides she is in “love”….it AUTOMATICALLY releases the clasp.
There are so many holes in this product I don’t know where to start. What if the chick wearing the bra just had a bad breakup and just wants to supplement her diet of tears and Ben and Jerry’s with some Vitamin D? Some good ol’ fashioned rebound sex? No strings attached…..maybe a friend with benefits? Maybe she wants to cry while getting it hard from behind from a guy she just met (see Halle Berry in “Monster’s Ball”). Are you saying this is going to be a tit free engagement? No. Dumb.
What if she wants to take the bra off herself? Most women don’t love themselves….in fact most women HATE themselves. Does this create an impenetrable fortress around her hammers? No. It doesn’t. Because she is going to take it off the same way ANY dude trying to get down with her would……pull her arms up through the shoulder straps and rip that fucker down her torso….over her legs….and VOILA!! Or maybe if she was feeling motivated….looking to burn an extra or two….just start jogging around the room for a minute……boom heart rate up…..bra fuckin off.
Not to mention, women are super excitable. Oh…shoe sale at Aldo!!!??! Boom….titties poppin……JT song on the radio?? Boom….titties poppin. Someone tells them to “calm down”? Boom….titties poppin. Running to catch an elevator in your office building wearing a low cut shirt and the True Love Bra? Boom…..titties poppin out for everyone in the elevator to see.
Listen Asians…you have brought us some awesome technology over the years…..but every now a then….every Kevin Costner has a Waterworld. This is your Waterworld. But…..you have the chance to save yourself the embarassment of producing this horrific pile of horse shit and walk away. You don’t have to lose money on this one……..you don’t have to bring shame on yourself and your families…..just leave the tits to us and walk away.