Three men were charged with grand theft after allegedly stealing a purple, 9-foot, 600-pound aluminum chicken statue, First Coast News reports.
Darrin Luke Edwards, 19, Tyler Lee Jones, 21, and James Joseph Smith, 18, were arrested for hatching the plan on Wednesday in San Mateo, Fla. Ben Smith, the chicken’s owner notified authorities after hearing a ruckus outside around 6 a.m. Tuesday.
Smith told deputies that when he went outside, he saw the bird being dragged down the street behind a Chevrolet truck, News 4 Jax reported. One man allegedly mounted the chicken and rode its back about a mile down the road. They then unhooked it and fled.
If you have a 9 foot purple chicken statue….you are begging for the neighborhood kids to steal it. I don’t mean the young kids watching Dora the Explorer….they don’t have the means or methods for stealing more than a few cookies from the cookie jar. When I say “kids” I mean people between the ages of 15-21. Yea….sure….over 18 is legally an adult…..but let’s be honest….that is the age range of where people make their most memorable bad decisions. I am not sure whether these kids should be reprimanded or applauded. 18 year old me is giving them a standing ovation….31 year old me is hoping they learn their lesson (while secretly applauding them when society isn’t looking).
I would also like to point out the mugshots….the two kids on the left totally got to ride the chicken. The guy on the far right did not. I don’t need to be a super sleuth or psychic to figure that shit out. The kids on the left are about to get locked up for a few months and still can’t seem to wipe the ridiculous smirks off their faces…..why? because they got to ride a giant chicken down the street. When it is all said and done (unless you get shanked or repeatedly raped in prison) it was all worth it. You have that story forever. Most kids get caught shoplifting candy or video games….not these guys. They stole a giant purple chicken statue and rode it away from the scene of the crime with no regard for human life. Epic.
I can literally hear the thoughts of the dude on the far right side: “but….but….i didn’t get to ride the chicken….they said it was my turn next….but then they detached it and we drove away…..i never got a turn…..i am gonna go to jail and they got all the fun…..this is bullshit.” Don’t worry little buddy, there will be plenty of rides to go on when you are locked up….probably not as much fun as a giant purple chicken…..more like giant rapey throbbing cocks……but close, right?
Final note…..Where did this happen??? You guessed it. Fucking Florida.
P.S.-Keep smiling guys…..you are gonna need all the happiness you can get once you get to Cell Block B. 18 year old boys in prison are to convicts….as blood in the water is to sharks. It might as well be a dinner bell…..fresh meat.